Defending One’s Honor
I once saw Bill Cosby in concert. At one point in his routine, he described a conversation with a friend who talked about the reason he gets “high”.
His friend told Bill that getting high “accentuates my personality”, to which Bill replied, “Yeah, but what if you’re an asshole??”.
The truth is that once alcohol or any other mind altering substance is introduced into a social setting, people can, indeed, become aggressive and unpleasant. Such was the case at Darien Social a few nights ago.
Two men, 21 and 22 respectively, under the influence of both alcohol and idiocy, decided that the night would be more entertaining if they “aggressively flirted” with married women in full view of their respective husbands. As one might expect, one thing lead to another and the 21 year old placed his hands on the shoulder of one such married woman. Her 48 year old husband hauled off and hit him in the face, knocked him to the ground and continued to hit him until the police were called. The husband was arrested with a charge of third degree assault.
As the police report reads, this couple had been bothered by these two punks all evening, so the husband’s patience was at an end. His wife told the police that her husband was simply “defending her honor”. It is here that I take exception.
I by no means condone the acts of the two drunken jerks. Certainly their actions deserved reprimand and Darien Social should have ejected them from the premises. The first rule of self defense, however, and one criteria that the police use when evaluating charges, is the opportunity to leave a situation. If this couple had multiple interactions with these guys, why did they not just leave? At some point, this repeated disturbance ruins your night out. There are better options than waiting and hoping to see if the unwanted attention will stop.
As to the fact that the woman was physically touched by the 21 year old, there is no question that a response is justified. I disagree that an unwelcome hand on the shoulder of your wife deserves a face bashing. Emotionally, I sympathize with the husband. This, however, now has evolved into a monkey dance whereby the husband feels the only way to save face is to put a beating on his wife’s aggressor. I submit that the option of just taking your wife by the hand and exiting quickly is the better move. Why?
- You have no idea who this person is, what he might be carrying or what he is prepared to do.
- You are now escalating the situation to violence when no physical threat to you or your wife was stated or implied. Again, the 21 year old is the one under physical attack and all concerns from my last point still exist.
- From a legal standpoint, you threw the first punch and are liable for any physical damage you create. The 21 year old being an asshole does not hold up in court as justification for assault.
Let me be clear. I get it. Tempers flare and the desire to put a guy in his place are great. I certainly would have the same temptation. Discretion is, as they say, the better part of valor. When you can leave the situation, that is your best option. If that doesn’t work, verbally deescalate. If that doesn’t work and you have no choice but to defend an imminent physical threat, then hit first and hit hard. This is not what took place at Darien Social. There is no honor in beating a drunken fool, no matter how out of line he is.
Take your wife, go down the street to the next establishment and enjoy a better night. The 48 year old husband did not take this option and spent his night with the police.
