I am frequently amazed by the choices made by men, mostly, when confronted by aggression. In a recent story told to me by one of my students, he had been confronted by an aggressive jerk looking to impress his girlfriend by demanding the seat my student occupied at an eating establishment.
Despite having accumulated a number of skills which would probably have made him the victor, my student wisely elected to not engage physically with someone who was clearly threatening violence.
The result was a standoff which ended by the aggressor walking away grousing and ultimately being ejected from said establishment. (Karma is after all in play at all times! 😃)
The reason for this post, however, is the concern my student had (and therefore reason he came and told me about this incident) that he appeared less than a man for not having engaged when confronted with a physical threat.
I reminded him as I do all my students that victory in self-defense is being able to walk away without any damage to yourself . You never know the capabilities or experience of a would-be attacker . As such, I often quote my friend and self-defense mentor, Rory Miller :
“It is better to avoid than run,
It is better to run than de-escalate,
it is better to de-escalate them fight,
It is better to fight than die.”
So I said to my student as I’ll say to all of you, be wise and always remember your ego is not what you’re defending,
your life is.
