“I should be able to walk down the street buck naked and be perfectly safe!” “I should be able to get as drunk as I want at a party and not have to worry about someone raping me.” I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard these exact phrases and others like them come up in conversations with my fellow women about self-defense. Rather than thinking, “I need to learn how to keep myself safe.” They think, “I shouldn’t have to worry about learning that!” You know what? They’re right. Our world should be safe. There are a lot of things we women should be able to do without danger, but unfortunately, that’s not the world we live in. Rather than demand what we should be able to do, we have to take personal responsibility for our safety and make good choices. The best self-defense is not to put yourself in dangerous situations that can be easily avoided. When I hear about attacks on women, I’m angry for them; they didn’t deserve it and the attacker should face consequences. But some of those attacks could have been avoided if the woman had made better choices. When women want advice on how to stay safer, I tell them things like: don’t go running alone after dark. Look around as you walk, and make eye contact with people; don’t be glued to your phone. If someone makes you uncomfortable, leave, and have friends or a bouncer escort you. Trust your gut and don’t worry about being polite.
Before learning Krav Maga, it sometimes felt like I was walking down the street naked. I was uncomfortable and felt vulnerable, especially in sketchy areas of town where I drew unwanted looks and comments. I did unsafe things (like pretending to be on my phone or dismissing warnings in my gut) because I didn’t know better. Some women don’t want to learn self-defense because they cling to the idea that they shouldn’t have to. I wish I didn’t have to either, but I’m so glad I did! Self-defense is more than just strategic hitting– it’s knowing how to be aware of my surroundings and how to make safe choices.
Am I saying don’t go to parties? No. Am I saying don’t drink so much that your judgment is compromised? Yes. Am I saying don’t go to the gym? No. Am I saying don’t go alone after 9 pm just because you have a 24-hr gym? Yes. Is staying safe inconvenient sometimes? Yes. But not more inconvenient than being attacked. As a woman, I urge other women to think about self-defense, not shove it under a pile of “should’s.” Be informed on how to stay safe, and please, don’t walk down the street naked.
